Exclusive: Leaked Campaign Email

Date: 14 July

From: SNP Head of Press

To: All Cybernats, Roseanna Cunningham, Alex Neil, Christine Grahame and other backbench attack dogs; Iain MacWhirter; Hardeep Singh Kohli

Subject: Lines on why we might now lose the by-election.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

Dear Friends for Freedom,

We did a pretty good job of spinning that poll yesterday but the truth of the matter is that things aren’t looking that good on the Glasgow East front.

Although there’s still 10 days to go, we might have to brace ourselves for defeat – I know, it’s difficult. Here are some lines on why we lost - you might consider practising them now just in case.

1) TOP LINE: Only SNP voters have postal votes and holidays during the Glasgow Fair

– Labour rigged this election from the start by calling it so early. The SNP would much rather the people of Glasgow East went without an MP for 3 months, he didn’t do anything anyway.

2) You could put a monkey in a labour rosette and get it elected in Glasgow East (for more info see Hardeep’s column in today’s guardian – sorry about the Glasgow Rectorial election – bloody lib dems!)

3) The voters of Glasgow East are too destitute and stupid to vote for anyone else – (see Iain’s piece in yesterday’s Sunday Herald for more info.)

4) Labour picked the high profile and charismatic Margaret Curran who was tipped for the Labour leadership – picking her was a sign of Labour’s desperation to win the seat - I mean it’s not like she had any links to the constituency or anything.

(Don’t forget to rip up all previous lines - including websites, blogs, comments forums etc - that she was Labour’s 5th choice candidate – I don’t need to remind you how stupid that makes us look if she wins.)

Please avoid any references to “political earthquakes” in your correspondence. Alex got too excited, bit embarrassing really.

Yours against London Labour,

SNP Head of Press.

P.s. Can someone make sure Kenny Gibson’s on holiday after the 24th? He’s likely to get a bit carried with parliamentary motions again…

[The above email is of course entirely fictious to the extent that it's a satirical take on the SNP's by-election tactics. No offence intended to anyone, least of all esteemed members of the press who are of course free from any political bias whatsover - all of them.]

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